They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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