It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
