you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just invented taco cereal.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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