I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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