i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm at about main and main street
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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