nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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