I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
