btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
