Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
