This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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