I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My ATM looks so different sober.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize