After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
