hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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