Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
