Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
