So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
