When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
