dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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