I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I looked at my own cervix.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
