are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
