How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I love you.
Bad choice
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
