No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
