I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
