How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize