the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
