No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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