Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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