You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
