my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
