...so i touched it.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
