Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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