My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
