i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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