Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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