What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
a search helicopter?!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
