I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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