i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
