Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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