I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
