My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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