I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
