i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
