I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
