drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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