so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
