My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
