from now on my penis is your penis
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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