fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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