Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
