i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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