You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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