I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
