I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize