Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
