I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
