I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
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