If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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