are you still at the devil's house?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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