I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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