I think I won the penis lottery.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
