I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
