Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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