i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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