ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
