i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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