the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
