whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
