you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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