Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
