I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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