there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
