i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
