I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize