your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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