How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
