I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
