When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize