The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
