at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
