I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
