saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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